&*%$ You, Facebook

Disclaimer: This post may get a tad emotional with the occasional cliché. You’ve been warned. I sort of apologize if the title of this post is offensive.

This past week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. No, it’s not work, or money or relationships or health, it’s from being sad. Just sad. One of my best friends was tragically taken from us last week in a horrific accident on Vancouver Island. I received a call from my BFF at 8 am on Tuesday morning. She was a mess. All I could make out was, ‘Have you seen Facebook?’

Disbelief, shock, overwhelming sadness and tears took over for the first bit. Then anger hit. Hard. Is Facebook really that big a part of our lives that it tells us when we’ve lost a loved one? Apparently it is. Is that how one should find out that one of their best buds is gone?

We went to the island the next day to help Rikki’s family with the ‘arrangements’ and to just be together. That day a Facebook page was created in memory of our friend. Her page was very therapeutic & her family was taking great comfort in seeing the photos her many friends were posting & laughing at the stories being told. I spent HOURS on her page. Reading and laughing and crying –  all at once.

Her passing brought together many, many old friends who hadn’t seen each other in a really long time. For most of us it had been about 15 years since we had all been together. Thanks to Facebook, we all knew what we had been up. We were talking about Rikki, telling funny stories and reminiscing about the last time we saw her or spoke to her.

The last contact I had had with her was 2 days before we lost her. She had just hit a major milestone in her life and I was SO proud of her. I thought about her all day and bragged to anyone who would listen about her accomplishment. How did I express that to her? I wrote on her wall. Heaven forbid I pick up the phone and say, “Hey buddy! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! How ARE you?” Nope, I didn’t do that at all. If I could go back in time, I would call her and say just that and hear her voice and laugh. One more time.

We went to her house to pack up her stuff with some of her family on Thursday. It was so surreal as we drove there. It still hadn’t really hit us. We walked in, met her boyfriend and the first thing he said was, “You’re Jessi & Heather. She loved you guys so much. Check this out,” as he showed us a collage of photos Rikki has made of the three of us. The photos were from the Pearl Jam concert we had gone to a couple of years ago – a highlight of all of our lives.

Losing Rikki has taught me one of the toughest lessons I’ve learned so far. (Here comes the clichés) Don’t take your buds for granted. If you feel like saying hi to someone, pick up the phone and call them. Tell them you were thinking about them and wanted to talk. Call them on their birthday instead of writing on their wall. Take a funny photo & text it to them.

Has friendship really come down to writing on a nonexistent wall? It’s so easy to fall into daily life and take our friends for granted. Because of Facebook, we can easily check out what our friends are up to, who they’re dating, what their kids look like and what they did last weekend – without actually talking to them. This reality has hit me like a ton of bricks and I find it very unsettling. Actually, the principle of it pisses me off. A lot.

I’ve never lost someone close to me before so grief is a new experience. I realize I’m going through phases and anger is one of them. That’s where I am right now. I’m so angry and I’m channelling my anger to Facebook and the impact it has on our ‘social’ lives. &^%$ you, Facebook.

I dedicate this post to Rikki Anne Easton. I know you’re laughing at me right now bud. I just know it. Yes, I blogged about you. Yes I swore in my blog. See? You really are a big deal.